I want to share...

this made me smile. It's an excerpt from a book published at www.bearparade.com

HIKIKOMORI

< by ellen kennedy and tao lin >

dear tao


today i read a book called NATURAL SCIENCE.

it had a picture of two ants standing very close together.

above the picture it said ‘worker ants communicate by rubbing their antennae.’

i wanted to communicate with you by rubbing our heads together but you weren't here so i rubbed my head against the wall instead and the wall said ‘i'm sad.’

my eyes made 3 tears and i pet the wall until we both fell asleep.


ellen

let go

So I've failed to maintain this blog, much like I have failed at maintaining nearly anything in my life. It's just sort'a what I do. I spent most of my adulthood maintaining for someone else. Sadly my self-worth has always been quite low, so it was welcome having a beautiful girlfriend to care for. Now that we are no longer together (oh, wait, am I getting ahead of myself?) It's just me and my kitty. And although I love Tyler very much, he's a cat with few needs and expectations. So that leaves me... or it leaves me searching for another lovely individual to fill that purpose. Let's hope not.

So Jeannine and I broke up back in December. After 7 years in a relationship, it wasn't an easy thing to do. I always saw us staying together through anything and everything. But it just wasn't the case. Several months later, now we are still very close and good friends. All is well in our home of crazy triangles and missed connections. I can't really complain... although I still find myself feeling terribly lonely some nights.

And here is where my recent behaviors are revealed. I've spent the last few months bar hopping and slowly forgetting who I am and what is most important to me in this life. I've been drowning in a very superficial culture where all that matters are the clothes you wear, the people you know, the music you listen to, and whether or not you are still standing by the end of a drunken night. Again, not really complaining, I've had a fucking amazing time drinking, flirting, meeting new faces (over and over again... I swear I'll remember your name the next time I slur hello at you.), getting trashed, hashed, played, and fucked. Some moments make me hot just thinking about them while others I'd like to smash out of my skull. Ultimately, however, I lost my focus on what life really is. I quickly let my desire for self gratification get the better of me, and now it's time to refocus. Shit, I'm returning to school in a few short months. I have to pull it together. These next few years may shape the very essence of the rest of my life. And although I wouldn't mind having parties, good times, and great sex, being a part of that life, it can't remain so all consuming. Grow up already, Anni!

Moving...a.k.a. there's no place like home

Here we go again. Jeannine and I lived in Berkeley for a couple of years... a couple of years ago. And now we are clicking our ruby slippers three times to return. We found a 2 bedroom house, which we shall share with our good friend Victoria. Our move in date is Saturday the 10th. I can't wait.

Living in a small town, uber-suburb, like Livermore can be like a tiger pacing the perimeter of it's cage. I'm sick of tearing my teeth into the carcass of dead beasts thrown at me... I want to finally hunt life for myself. So, moving out currently holds meaning for me that embodies a new life. I intend to see a new existance unfold before me. A bit dramatic? Sure, but mind you I've been drinking.

I'm ready to grow and act childish and selfish. Friends, art, music, dancing, nightlife... all this and more will ensue. Fuck the shit that comes with a safe and secure existance in a quaint lil' suburban town. I revel in a neighborhood where I must keep on my toes to save my ass. This current safety has dulled me to an undesireable extreme. Shoot me violently in the head before I fall back into this malaise. I want a wild existance where the strong survive and devour the weak. Oh, and not to mention, let me be rid of a time where I occupy a residence shared by my parents. Oh the humanity, I must escape or soon parish. . . and on that note I shall leave you all (um all of you being no one...'cause no one is reading my blogs, besides my sweet darling) for a smoke before bed.

End Scene

Jefferson Street

Last Sunday night I ventured into the city with a couple of friends to catch some live music. Destination, Brainwash. I'd never heard of Brainwash before but we were going to see a specific band play.

Brainwash is a cafe/laundromat on Folsom in San Francisco. Folks can grab a burger and onion rings whilst their delicates spin through the rinse cycle. It's a great place with a full menu, beer on tap, internet access, live music, and pin-ball machines. I wish my garage ( where I do my laundry ) was just as awesome. I usually have the beer (not on tap), but lack everything else. The only live music to grace my wet panties is when I sing to keep the family cockatoo appeased and quiet.

The band we were there to see is called Jefferson Street. It was my first time hearing them, although the band members are friends of a friend. Jeannine used to sling coffee with the lead singer/songwriter, but they have now both gone on to pursue other things.

We talked with the band a bit prior to their set. They are a great bunch of guys, far too humble, and incredibly charming. Jefferson Street really consists of one guy, Josh. Josh sings lead vocals and plays guitar. A feat I cannot fathom. Perhaps because I spent 8 years of my life as a flute player and playing whilst singing is virtually impossible and therefore shouldn't be attempted by amateurs. But don't let's go down that rabbit hole, I'm moving on. Josh had a couple of friends on hand to help round out the band, Josh (another one) played drums, while (name omitted due to not knowing it at time of publication) was on bongoes and maracas.


Now, not only do their personalities rock, so does their music. The songs are quite catchy, the lyrics are sincere, heartfelt, and funny. Usually I find it difficult to focus on the lyrics of a song I haven't heard before. I hear melody and beat first, and then I try to make out the lyrics. Not so with Jefferson Street. The lyrics grabbed me by the ear and danced it's way into my brain. But don't take my word for it. check them out at their myspace page

Local artists are a great asset to the community, and Jefferson Streets assets are large and great.

Say how do you do and shake hands

Okay, now I suppose I should write a lil' about myself. My name is Anni Pattee, and I currently reside in California. The San Francisco bay area is where I call home. I am a struggling artist. The fact that I must work a day job to make money, which leaves no time for the art, is what qualifies me as struggling. I'm a photographer... or perhaps I just snap pictures. I'm not sure what it takes to be considered a photographer. Perhaps being happy with one's photos is enough. In which case, I am a photographer.

I currently work as an insect trapper for Alameda County. I look for fruit flies that are not native to the area and hope to never find them. The work consists of long days spent driving and digging through stinky piles of dead bugs. It's no glamour position. I intend to move on to bigger and better things come next year. For starters I will be applying to the California College of Art for fall 2008. There I will be provided the necessary foundation for a solid career as a photographer...right? That's the plan anyway. A solid foundation and a shit-load of debt.

Onto more personal details of my life currently. I am in a long-term relationship with the lovely lady described in my last blog. Jeannine and I have been together over six years and are currently struggling as artists together. It's wonderful having someone who is so understanding and capable of grasping where I coming from when I snap about never having enough time to myself and wanting to be more creative. I come home from work and have only enough energy to feed my face and then sit and talk about (aka complain) the things I wish to accomplish. If I didn't have the support from Jeannine I would have surely lost the motivation for a creative existance entirely.

And to add to my distractions from art there are my babies...
Steinbeck

Snickers

Tyler

Darby

and Sammy

And I wonder why I have so little time.

Designs by a Hummingbird

Today I want to feature a magnificent artist, and an amazing person, Jeannine of Designs by a Hummingbird. She was first referred to as a hummingbird by a co-worker, back when she slung coffee. She would never perch for very long and buzzed about the cafe constantly working at a heart-attack pace. The energy that she put forth then is an energy that she has always maintained. Today that high energy is put towards her own art and she really IS a hummingbird.


Jeannine is an incredible jewelry designer who has an uncanny eye for color combinations, and creates the most intricate designs.



Her work is all hand-made and each piece is one of a kind. Inspiration for her work comes from all sorts of places. Jeannine's eye for detail is easily recognized in all aspects of her life and personality. So it is no wonder that her work is both eclectic and eccentric. She once said that she likes to meld the precious with the trash, and although her work is anything but trashy, she pulls it all off wonderfully.




Please support the arts and buy her work by visiting her website (linked above) or her online etsy store at www.hummingbird13.etsy.com

salutations

I say thank you to internet/blogging world for those of you who have decided to check in to this humble little blog. I intend to use this blog as a way to express myself on topics of art, my photography business, fashion, cooking, life, and whatever else tickles my fancy at the moment. So welcome, enjoy, and comment freely. Good or bad, all comments are welcomed...unless it is spamming.

I am a photographer, very green to the game, and trying to make time for my art while still holding down a day job that pays the bills. My website is www.makeascene-photography.com.
I also have an online store on etsy.com, www.makeascene.etsy.com