Meet the Avett Brothers

I was introduced to the Avett Brothers by my ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend... if you can follow me down this rabbit hole a minute... and their new album, "Emotionalism", is what saved me through the breakup. An irony not lost on me, for sure. During the most trying of nights, when I was first adjusting to sleeping alone, I would turn on my i-pod and put on my headphones. As corny as it is they would sing me to sleep as I shook uncontrollably, crying into my pillow. That was the only way I could fall asleep. Well, that or I had to drink to the point of passing out. But that's a whole other blog entirely. Sometimes you hear a song that so perfectly describes your current mood or situation. You feel validated in your emotions. Not so much the loser anymore because you now know there is someone else that has felt this way... even if only long enough to write a song about it. For me it wasn't just one song but rather an entire album. Or nearly an entire album.

So I was pissing my pants when I heard that they were going to be at Slim's in SF. I procrastinated on buying tickets only long enough to feel anxious that they might be sold out and I may have lost my chance. But I didn't miss the boat. Last Saturday I saw them at Slim's. I went with a friend along with my ex-girlfriend and that very same boyfriend that first introduced me to their music. And it was great. I might just have crapped my pants... I mean I was so excited I don't know that I would have noticed if I had.

I don't normally get stupid over musicians or celebrities but their energy is intense and their music is fierce. They are currently one of my favorite live shows, and I've been to a few. Yes, they're that good.

In the morning

When my alarm goes off in the morning, before there's light outside my window, I will wake up. I will wake up the first time without hitting the snooze button. I can never do this. I think it's physically impossible, like licking your own elbow. But I go to sleep tonight with the best intentions of waking up when I know I should... because I want to.

I have often been feeling sad or lonely lately. As much is to be expected given the circumstances. After spending seven years sharing a bed, home, and life with someone, there's a certain chilling silence when that level of companionship is gone. You forget, in that time, what it is like to be alone. And when you are first faced with that empty silence you wonder if it might go on forever. And when it doesn't you feel such relief to have shared moments again. It becomes a drug you're jonesin' for and can't get enough of. I've done some stupid things recently to fill that addiction. Lucky for me I have a rather shallow "rock bottom". So I look at my reckless experiences as just that. Experiences in life... lessons learned about a reality I haven't had to face until very recently. I have learned that I am in control of myself, even when I feel I am spinning out of control. I know better, now, what it is that I want. And although wants are not static, and my mind changes on a daily basis, my wants are my own and I should do whatever I need to achieve them... short of hurting someone.